March for Dimes

I am evidently very bad at this whole blogging thing. I have been really behind on updating! Yikes!

This weekend is March for Dimes. I have been so excited about this event for some time now. Raising money for this cause has been great and I am so glad that we are making it to our $500 goal!

Yet, in the midst of the fundraising and excitement, the feeling of sadness and a familiar ache has crept its way into my day to day thinking. Since the moment I found out we had lost our little one, I was determined to be 100% drama free about the whole issue. I didn't want to make a scene and didn't want to have people focusing too much on it. My husband and I comforted ourselves fairly quietly and moved on. Or so we thought....

In our deperate attempt to "move on" I think we may have forgotten to process. Moving on is much easier if you take the time to understand how your feeling. I've heard a lot of people say that putting a lot of stock in ones feelings isn't profitable. That's true. When it comes to marriages, sometimes you can't go just off feelings. You have to make a choice and stick to it even when you don't feel like it. With this however, I am reminded of  the song "Blessings" from Laura Story.

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

The part that makes the most sense to me is "What if Your healing comes through tears."  I am fearful, as well as those who know me best, that in an attempt to keep things "in check" so do speak, I have forgotten to process all of it. As the walk that we are doing in honor of Baby Ott draws near, that ache is creeping back in. Its silly things really. Like the other day, I was in the grocery line and there was a few day old baby boy in front of me. I didn't have any of the kids with me and of course I have a gorgeous and amazing 8 month old at home. However, I felt an ache. We had wanted Baby Ott to be a boy so bad. That I think just seeing a super teeny baby boy may have sparked it. I felt silly as I stood there in the line tearing up when I had such precious gifts waiting anxiously for their mommy to bring home treats and chocolate milk:) Then of course I felt selfish. How can I be sad that my baby beat me to Heaven?? 

A few months ago, I read Heaven is for REAL. I was very skeptical as I began reading. However, as I read on, my heart opened to the possibility of something so wonderful. In the book, the parents of the boy lost a baby. They did not know the gender of the baby or anything.  The child who the book is written about talks to his parents about meeting his sister that he had never even heard about. About what she looked like and how old she looked, etc. This has given me so much hope. I know most don't believe this book and I can understand that. However, the healing balm it put on my heart was so wonderful.  You don't know how to picture your baby in heaven. Is your baby a baby or is your baby a teenager or in their 30s? To read about what this boy saw and who he met and the things he knows that he shouldn't. It was a great book. I highly recommend it. I would also recommend tissues. 

So as this weekend approaches, I would like to say how thankful I am that God loves me. That He fills me up with his mercy.  While I don't always understand His plan, I know its for me good. So I will walk this March for Dimes with hope and a renewed sense of victory. Our son/daughter walks with Jesus. He/she is walking on the golden streets of heaven. He/she sings praises all day long and is surrounded by God's glory and majesty. I will keep this beautiful image in view. God is good...ALL the time. 

Spending Some Time with God

As I'm sure most of you have seen on Facebook, I have been keeping tabs on the Cretzman's journey through this tragedy they are facing.  I have noticed that strangers across the globe are spending time in fervent prayer for this family.  If you have not heard, they are missionaries to the country of Cuba and were traveling on debutation when they were in a devastating car accident that put the mother in critical care and sent the 3 year old to be with Jesus.  Their two year old daughter survived as well as the dad.  The mother is now stable and doing much better.  If you could spend some time with God over this, I can't think of a better way to help this family.

Sometimes you just hear these stories that strike a place with you. This was one of those stories. I'm not sure if its because I have a three year old and two year old as well or what. I just know that God has put them heavely on my heart these last few days.  I hope you all will join me in prayer for this families healing. They have such a long journey ahead of them.  While in prayer for them, the Lord brought the lyrics to Amazing Grace to mind.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.
When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.
Please pray for the Cretzmans!

It's Been A While

Hey Everyone!

Its been a while since I have taken the time to sit down and write on my blog. A very long while actually.

So much has changed and I'm so delighted to share it all with you! As most of you know, we have been member's of Solid Rock Baptist Church in Pendleton for almost three years now. We LOVE our church. I will insert a little infomercial here:) If you are looking for a loving and passionate church that has amazing family programs(i.e awanas, men's prayer breakfast, outreach, nursery, youth group, etc etc etc!) and are in the Pendleton or surrounding areas, check it out! You will LOVE the church and the people in it! We sure do! Well, after over 6 months of praying and delaying God's will for our lives, we finally opened our hearts and realized that the Lord was asking us to go to SRBC's church plant in Indianapolis.  My parents, Bob and Sue Williams, are currently the Pastor and Pastor's wife there. However, they cannot do it alone! The Lord has burdened us with a desire to help them in the many ministries and hurdles they are trying to manage.  Upon excepting and embracing the Lord's will, my husband than received an amazing job offer in the Indianapolis area as well as a very cute house for a very reasonable price. In the blink of an eye, we moved and are in our last few weeks with SRBC. The LORD has opened so many doors.

However, none of this is without some sadness. We so dearly love those at Solid Rock. Every single person in that church means something special to us;exclude none! There are those who have nurtured us as a young couple and those that have loved our kids with such intensity and generousity that are heart breaks just a tad every time we think of leaving.  BUT God is good and we are thankful for everyone's out-pouring support as we open this new chapter.

Another reason I decided to get back in gear with my blog is because I signed up for this program called Blogging for Books. They will send me free christian books and I read them and then right a review. That easy! WHAT A FIND! I encourage you all to do this! They have great titles on their website and I cannot WAIT to receive my book! Its through WaterBrook Mulnomah Publishing Group. Its a Christian publishing company.

Thanks all for reading! Now that I got that initial catch-up post out of the way, I look forward to updating daily! Love you all!

-Amy